My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
