Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
