Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
