This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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