I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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