Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
