He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
