I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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