He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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