I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
