In the future we'll all be gay
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
