I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
