we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
bring money and cleavage
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
