I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Then you guys just all showered together...?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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