How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
