the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
