Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
