i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
