Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
