no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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