you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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