I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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