We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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