She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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