How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
