this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
