Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
