Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
