I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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