you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
