I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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