Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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