she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Every concussion has its silver lining
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
