He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
