So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
His nipple licking is glorious
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