some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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