ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
