you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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