I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
