Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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