Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
