I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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