Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
