need another drink. this is the easiest way
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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