Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
