I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
