We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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