you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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