Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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