I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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