Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
