Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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