I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
